Certainly: A Poem

I remember that night
Air cold as can be
The stars bright
Beckoning and free

Someone seeing the light that flickered in me
"I am here" was whispered gently.

"No!" My fist shook toward Heaven
How can it be?!
Thou saidest that Thou lovest me?
This sepulchral pit that is my heart
Cannot see nor feel Thy love impart.

"Rachael, trust Me"
The voice implored

I wept, I quivered,
I ignored.

This life of pain that is my lot
Caged mind with impetuous thought

Anger and hurt far too deep
A silent tongue to never speak

My living soul that yearns to breath
But entombed I remain
In shrieking cacophony

No.
No.
Surely there cannot be,
A God in Heaven who lovest me.

A voice again,
This one my own,
Reason? Conscious?
Perhaps faith alone.

"How will you know what is in store

If you don't, at least, 

Test out His word?" 

My heart ached

Knowing its truth 

Remain in darkness--

Coldly aloof 

Or 

Walk a road only One has been 

With just the hope 

His hand He'll lend 

I wept, I quivered, 

I implored 

"Lead me then!" 

He did not ignore. 

Hope filled my being

So much I could burst 

Tears in my eyes 

Replete was my thirst!

I smiled. My heart did as well 

In awe I grasped,

"This is how it feels, 

To not be in hell." 

Since that night

Years have gone by 

Light and love poured down  

I cannot deny

My own road to Damascus 

Thus will I try 

Day by day 

To offer all

A small sacrifice 

For relieving my gall 

In humble prayer,

Willingly now I kneel

Remembering the times 

My heart did not feel

Grateful, 

I approach Heaven's door 

Pouring out my soul 

Somehow sure 

If my eyes opened 

I would see 

Pierced hands and wrists 

Rest on me

  

But I keep my eyes shut

A child waits patiently 

For her reunion 

How will it will be?  

In the arms of Jesus,
certainly: 

"Thank You, for always,
always loving me."